Engaging Scripture

Are Christians in America being oppressed?

This week we are studying 1 Peter 3:13-17. As you turn there, remember that the backdrop of this letter is that the Christians were being persecuted for their faith.

You might remember three months ago when we started this series, I talked about the situation that these Christians found themselves in. They were being persecuted. So when Peter says in verse 13, “who is going to harm you?” he knows there is a real possibility that not only had his Christian friends already been persecuted, but more could be on the way. It was not a widespread persecution like the Nazi Holocaust of the Jews. It was much smaller. But the Emperor in Rome, a kinda crazy guy name Nero, did sanction some persecution of Christians. It is likely that both main leaders of the church, Peter and Paul, were killed by Nero.

Most of the persecution these Christians were facing, though was small, as I said, and in their own towns and cities. So what Peter is saying here is that if they are eager to do good, it is less likely that they will be persecuted. That is common sense.

Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? Very few people. That is a principle that is true today. If you are a loving, kind person, people may disagree with your decision to follow Christ, but it is unlikely that they will harm you.

But it is not a promise. Jews during the Nazi Holocaust, even if they were amazingly good, were being rounded up and exterminated. In many places throughout history, and still today, there is persecution simply because of ethnicity, nationality, gender, politics, religion. Even if people are good, they can still be persecuted simply because of the color of their skin, or because of their beliefs.

Does this apply to us Christians in America? Are we American Christians persecuted for our faith?

On the books, because the USA has freedom of religion, persecution and discrimination based on religion is illegal. If persecution would happen, there is legal recourse that we can take. Just because it is illegal, though, doesn’t mean persecution doesn’t happen.

Does persecution for being a Christian happen in the USA? The simple answer is “I don’t know.” I don’t have comprehensive knowledge of everything that happens in the USA. No one does. So my guess is that persecution, in some form, does happen. By that I mean that there are probably times when Christians in America are persecuted for their faith. Possibly even physical, bodily, painful persecution. But my suspicion is that it is extremely rare, as Christianity is by far the majority religion in every single state, and that persecution is against the law.

Also I think it is important to note that there is not any systemic, government-sponsored persecution in a physical bodily way against Christians or any other religion. Sometimes, though, we Christians can act like there is a conspiracy against us, like the picture at the top of this post suggests. But it is simply not true. In fact, I would go so far as to say that it is wrong for American Christians to act like or think or declare that we are oppressed in the United States, when there are millions of Christians around the world, living in countries where it is actually illegal to be a Christian, and where they daily face physical bodily persecution.

As you can see on the picture, most persecution against Christians takes place in Africa, Asia and the Middle East.

The newest issue of Persecution magazine came out recently. I urge you to check it out and learn about what is happening around the world. Just reading that could make you extremely grateful for the freedom of religion that we have in the USA. And it could encourage you to pray for Christians around the world who are, right now, being persecuted.

So what persecution do we face in the USA? We do, from time to time, face ridicule from those who disagree with us. What that means is that we are affected by our Christianity. As we should be though, right?

We Christians hold to the way of Jesus, and even in free society, there will be people who think believing in God is ridiculous. They might have all kinds of ways to make fun of us, belittle us, or marginalize us. We should not be surprised when this happens. Think about what happened to Jesus.

One author I found said, “We can’t stop people from shooting us down, but we can stop giving them ammunition. When we respond with anger, bitterness, revenge, we give people ammunition to tear us down.”

Is it persecution when a company takes a stand on an issue and people who disagree with the company’s stand decide to boycott? Should the company say they are being persecuted? Or should they just say “We took a stand for what we believe is right, and we knew that not everyone would agree, and maybe we’ll lose a lot of income. But we’re willing to accept those consequences.”

If people treat us illegally, of course we have legal means to pursue getting justice, because in our country there is freedom of religion. But Christians have another way to respond when we are simply insulted or made fun of.

Peter is saying in verses 13-15 that when we are mistreated, we can absorb it, because Jesus is our Lord. We don’t have to be afraid. Furthermore we can know that when we are mistreated, Peter shockingly says in verse 14, we are blessed. Jesus taught that to Peter. In Matthew 5, Jesus says, “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven.”

So instead of responding negatively to criticism or insult, look how Peter says we should respond in verse 15, “In your hearts set apart Christ as Lord.” This is crucial. And tomorrow we’ll talk about how to set apart Christ as Lord.

A story about what happens after people die

What happens after a person dies? My uncle recently sent me this story, author unknown, that tries to answer that question.

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.

‘One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me,’ said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery, so he slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, ‘One for you, one for me, one for you, one for me…’

He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

‘Come here quick,’ said the boy, ‘you won’t believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls!’

The man said, ‘Beat it kid, can’t you see it’s hard for me to walk?’ When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard, ‘One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.’

The old man whispered, ‘Boy, you’ve been tellin’ me the truth. Let’s see if we can see the Lord!

Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, ‘One for you, one for me. That’s all. Now let’s go get those nuts by the fence and we’ll be done.’

They say the old man had the lead for a good half-mile before the kid on the bike passed him.

That boy and the old man had a very interesting view of God and what happens after people die!

While we might take issue with their theology, we can agree with them that something does after to people after they die. We believe that there is an eternal destiny for all.

Therefore, a significant element of the mission of God’s Kingdom has been that Christians tell the story of hope that we have because of what Jesus has done for us. We don’t have to look at life beyond the grave with fear because we have hope in Christ. Additionally, Jesus said that the hope we have in him matters before we die. We believe that becoming a disciple, a follower of Jesus, gives us hope for eternal life after death, and gives us hope for best possible way to live now. We believe that God is preparing a place for us in heaven, and he is seeking to transform society now! Eternal life in heaven, abundant life on earth. That’s how we summarize this amazing Kingdom of God.

As Peter continues teaching the Christians in the Roman Empire around the year 65 AD, he now teaches them about how to live out this mission of God’s Kingdom among people who might be antagonistic or atheistic, agnostic or apathetic.

So please read 1 Peter 3:13-17. This week we’re going to see how Peter instructs Christians to talk about this hope they have.

How to be a peacemaker (shocking lessons from an “insane” person!)

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All week long, we’ve been looking at 1 Peter 3:8-12 where Peter teaches a very difficult thing to do: when people insult you, ask God to bless them.

Is Peter saying you can never defend yourself? I would submit that Peter would answer, “No. You can defend yourself. But there is a right way and a right wrong to defend yourself.”

First of all, if you are abused, report it and get safe. We live in a country where there is legal recourse to deal with abuse. That is a very good thing. Not all countries throughout history have been like this. There are certainly Christians living in places around the world even today where they are physically abused, maybe sexually and emotionally too, and they have no recourse. Imagine how difficult it must be for them to hear Peter’s words. They might not be able to get safe. They too, however, can bless those who persecute them.

Thankfully, ours is a country where abuse and persecution are not tolerated. But I think here in his letter Peter is primarily thinking about how interpersonal relations in a church family can get ugly. Meanness. Unkindness. Gossip. In those cases he is not saying, “Do not stick up for yourself.”

He is saying that there is a difference between aggression and assertiveness. We do not need to attack back. It will only make things worse if you attack back.

I once heard Ravi Zacharias say: “When you throw mud at others, you not only get your hands dirty, but you lose a lot ground in the process.” When people are evil to us, or insult us, we are not to get revenge. Instead, as I said yesterday, if they insult you, eulogize ’em!

Peter supports his argument with a quote from the Old Testament. Psalm 34:12-16 to be exact. Psalm 34 is a fascinating psalm written by the great poet, warrior, king of Israel David. And it has a wonderful backstory. The subtitle of Psalm 34 tells us that David wrote this psalm as he was reflecting on a really difficult situation in his life. At the time he was a fugitive, on the run from his father-in-law King Saul who wanted to kill David. In 1 Samuel 21 we read that David made the surprising decision, after retrieving Goliath’s sword (the same Philistine Goliath from Gath whom David had killed years earlier), to go to enemy Philistine territory, and of all places the city of Gath. Can you tell that David was under a lot of pressure and maybe not thinking straight? He arrives at Gath, and the Philistine leaders there are very suspicious. In their eyes David was the most well-known Philistine killer. Not only had he killed their hometown hero Goliath, but in the years following, he had commanded Israelite armies that had killed thousands of other Philistines. Now he is in their town, hoping for asylum? David sees their reactions, their doubt, their fear, and he starts thinking “Uh-oh…did I just make a horrible decision coming here?” This would be the Philistines perfect opportunity to get their revenge on David. So what does he do? He acts insane, to the point of allowing drool to dribble down his beard! I encourage you to read the account for yourself. It’s quite a vivid episode in David’s life. Find out how the Philistines reacted to his insanity ploy!

That is what David was thinking about when he wrote Psalm 34. The whole psalm is amazing and deserves lots of attention and further study, but Peter only quotes verses 12-16, so that will be my focus here.

I’ll start in Psalm 34 verse 11, “Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord.” I see David in Psalm 34 as older man, wanting to pass on wisdom to his grandkids. Telling them the story of the time he pretended to be crazy, and then saying these words. And what does he say?

He starts with: “Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days…”

You probably don’t have to look hard to find people who love life and desire to see good days. So for those who want that, what do you have to do? David has some specific instructions.

He says, “keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies. Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.”

Four things that line right up with Peter’s teaching, and can be summed with: control your mouth! That means not speaking any evil or lies, no matter what has been done to you. Then do good. Turn from evil. Finally, seek peace. Actually pursue it.

David is not just saying, “be a peaceful person;” he is saying the we should be actively pursuing peace. Seek it out, make it happen. When you pursue something, you strive for it, and it often takes intense effort.

David, therefore, is not just reactive; he is teaching a proactive seeking of peace. When our seminary president, Tony Blair, spoke at Faith Church a few years ago, he made a comment I’ll never forget, “mature Christians deflate drama.” Peace-seekers reduce drama. And that can be hard work, but it is necessary work in the life of a church, family, workplace, or neighborhood.

This does not mean you agree with people all the time. It means that you handle things in such a way that drama is reduced. This goes back to verse 9 and choosing not to react back, or fight back against someone who has been evil to you or insulted you.

Finally look at verse 12, where David personifies the Lord. God is spirit. He doesn’t have a body. It’s hard to know how to depict God. When I illustrated this part of the sermon, I chose a lion for the slide because there are times in the Bible when God is described as lion. He’s not a lion. But look at how David uses human body parts to teach us about the Lord.

Eyes – on the righteous

Ears – attentive to their prayer

Face – against those who do evil

What a comfort! No matter what is going on in our lives, our God knows, our God hears, and our God defends. That means we can take hope in the Lord and do good, loving those in the church family, even when people are unkind to us. He knows, he is on the side of the righteous!

If they insult you, eulogize them! Guess what I learned this week? I should love eulogies! I should be eulogizing all the time!

How to handle difficult people: When they insult you, eulogize ’em!

I learned a shocking thing about eulogies, and in this post I’m going to reveal what I learned.

This week we are studying 1 Peter 3:8-12, and so far we have learned the Top 5 adjectives that Peter says should describe a church family. Now he gets to some verbs, some actions that members of a church family should practice.

Look at Verse 9 and we see the verb “paying back”, or as the NIV says “repay”. This can be positive or negative. You have to look at the context. A payback can be very positive, right? When you borrow money, you pay it back. That is good. Or when someone is kind to you, then you are kind back. Or you might pay it forward. You are sitting at the drive through and the person in front of you pays for your meal, so you pay for the meal of the person behind you. Those are awesome paybacks.

Then there are other not so awesome paybacks. And that is the verb, the action Peter is talking about. But he puts a tiny little three letter word in front of it, the word “not”. Do not repay. Do not do the negative paybacks. At a recent youth group pool party, I witnessed tons of paybacks. A person would be standing on the edge of the pool, and another person nearby would push them in! Guess what would happen five minutes later? Yeah, paybacks. I think we got to the point where there paybacks for paybacks for paybacks.

The first things Peter mentions is paying back evil for evil. Don’t do that, he says. The second thing he mentions is paying back insult with insult. Don’t do that either.

The word Peter uses for “insult” means “highly insulting and slanderous.” We are not sure if Peter is referring to the method or the message, or both. It doesn’t matter. Don’t do either one. Don’t speak with an insulting tone, and don’t speak insulting messages. He is saying “Don’t pay back an insulting comment with an insult of your own.”

This requires huge amounts of self-control and love. We need it in church families just as much as we need it in any family, any friendship, and workplace, any neighborhood. Christians show self-control when someone treats us bad.

How about you? Do you have trouble with self-control? Has your mouth gotten you in trouble? The escalation of insulting one another is rampant in our society, and it can happen in the church too. Drama increases! What should we do when people are mean to us?

As Peter continues in verse 9, he gives us the answer. Guess what? He says the answer is eulogy! See the word “Blessing”? In Greek this is the word from which we get our English word “eulogy.”

I have done a lot of eulogies in funerals. But Peter doesn’t have a funeral in mind here. He is saying “Eulogize people when they insult you!” Now, when you are insulted, you might be inwardly wishing it was that person’s funeral! But no, Peter is saying, bless them. Here is the definition of eulogy, the specific word that Peter uses. This definition blew me away, when I thought about how Peter uses it in the context of a person who has just been insulted! The definition is “to ask God to bestow divine favor on, with the implication that the verbal act itself constitutes a significant benefit^[1]”

That is amazing. When they insult you, eulogize ‘em! And it doesn’t mean you wish them dead! It means you ask for God to bless them.

What’s more, Peter supports his teaching by saying that we Christians are called to eulogize people who insult us, so that we might inherit a eulogy.

Think about that. If we bless people who insult us, or who are evil to us, that means that we will inherit a blessing. Again, remember the definition of this word blessing, eulogy, “to ask God to bestow divine favor on.” Would you like God to bestow his favor on you? If so, we are to be the kind of people who ask God to bestow his favor on those who insult us or who are evil to us!

So now whenever someone says something mean to you, just put on a smile and say “I am going to eulogize you right now.” They’ll give you a weird look. So maybe don’t do that…they might misunderstand and think that you want them dead, which could make things worse!

Instead, you might just need to not say anything. You know yourself. When you are attacked, you might have a really hard time reacting with kindness. If so, maybe the victory for you is to just respond with a smile, and pray silently in your thoughts that God would shine his favor on them.

You’ll have to evaluate the emotional temperature of the situation. It may be that the person is so upset that they are not in a place to hear anything, even blessing.

For one of my college soccer games, we were playing another Christian college. I played defense and my main job that game was to cover one-on-one an offensive guy from the other team. So we battled a lot throughout the course of the game, and this guy had some attitude.

There we are, players from two Christians schools playing a level of soccer that was maybe the quality of good public high schools. Not world cup. Not professional. Not even close. And this guy on the other team was fired up, pulling at my jersey, talking nasty to me, and I’m thinking to myself, “You have got to be kidding me.” Now I will admit that it was not a proper eulogy or blessing, and my attitude definitely had a dose of snarkiness, but at one point I looked at him and said, “Jesus loves you, man.” It was a Christian soccer player attempt at repaying an insult with a blessing. The funny thing is that it seemed to hit home.

After the game, he actually came up to me, shook hands and thanked me, saying that it totally convicted him! I was shocked. Glad, but shocked. Embarrassed because my motivations weren’t totally pure, but still amazed that God used that. When we played that team the next year, that guy came right up to me with a big smile, remembering the previous years’ interaction and he was like a totally different guy. It was wild.

When they insult you, eulogize ‘em.

^[1] Louw, Johannes P., and Eugene Albert Nida. Greek-English lexicon of the New Testament: based on semantic domains 1996 : 441. Print.

The Top 5 adjectives that should describe a church family (do you know them?)

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Get out a pen and paper, or open up a note-taking app. What are the first five adjectives that come to mind if you were trying to answer the question: “What are the five top adjectives that should describe a church family?”

This week we are studying 1 Peter 3:8-12 where Peter teaches how a church family should interact with one another. Yesterday we saw the first of five adjectives that Peter says should define a church: harmonious. A church should be unified. Today we going to look at the remaining four adjectives, and I think you’ll see that they all very much relate to or support the idea of being harmonious.

The second adjective is Sympathetic. Sympathy is when you have common feelings or emotions with someone. Hear the unity in that?

Third is Brotherly Love. This is the Greek word philadelphia again, just like we saw in 1:22, “love for your brothers.” Same word. This is vital for unity. Love is the basis for unity.

Next is Compassionate. The passion part of this word is not about erotic passion. The word Peter is using is about painful passion. We English speakers almost never use the word passion like that, except in one week of the year. You know which week? Holy Week. It is also called Passion Week, and churches do Passion Plays, and what passion are they talking about? Jesus’ passion, his suffering! Jesus’ arrest, beating, crucifixion and death are his passion, his pain, his suffering. And that is what the word compassion is getting at. It means to “suffer with someone.” We normally think of compassion as when we see someone hurting and we go, “Awwww…it will be okay,” or some platitude like that. But true compassion is to enter into the pain with that person. That is a whole deeper level of kindness and relationship that we can see totally spurs on unity!

Finally, Be Humble. That one is huge. Humility, teachability is critical for unity in the church family. I cannot emphasize this enough. In a church family, we must simply be humble. Pride and arrogance will destroy our relationships. When I did my missionary internship between my junior and senior years in college, I spent three months in Guyana, South America. There were probably 15-20 different missionaries working together in the same general area. My host family were really awesome, and they taught me so much about ministry. One thing they taught me was humility. One night the wife was telling me about how they had been having significant relationship problems with one of the missionaries. This other missionary was being extremely difficult about a policy and making false accusations against my host family. They prayed hard about how to respond, because they knew they had not done what they were accused of. You know what my missionary host family told me they decided to do? “It is better to take one for the team and preserve unity, than it is to be right.” Wow. That’s humility.

Those are the five adjectives Peter says should describe a church family: harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly love, compassion and humility. So how many did you get? And more importantly, are there any that you need to work on? Who can you talk with in your church family about improving on that characteristic?

But Peter is not done. He finally gets to some verbs. We’ll start looking at them tomorrow!

How a church family can disagree but still be harmonious

Is your church family harmonious? How much should a church family agree with one another? Is it okay if there is disagreement in a church family?

Yesterday we began looking at 1 Peter 3:8-12, and I said that Peter is talking to all Christians about how they should interact with one another in their church families. He starts off with five adjectives that should describe us. Today we look at the first one, and tomorrow we’ll see how the remaining four support the first.

Adjective #1. Christians should be harmonious

The word Peter uses for “harmonious” means, “Pertaining to being of the same mind or having the same thoughts as someone else.” So Peter could be translated here as saying, “all should be like-minded”. The dictionary I use says that the word Peter uses is a word picture of “having thoughts that follow the same path.^“^[1]

Harmony is a musical word. To make harmony, not everyone is singing the exact same tune. In fact they are singing different tunes that work together. But we know right away when harmony is poor, right?

Peter is not saying that everyone in a church family must think about everything exactly the same. That would be uniformity. Peter is not suggesting that we need to strive for uniformity in the church. Peter is talking about unity, where we have the same goals, same mission, same heart, but we can still disagree about a great many things, in love.

What are some areas where we can disagree? Politics and matters of ethics are areas where I think it is obvious that people in my Faith Church family disagree. We have Republicans and we have Democrats. We have those who are conservative and those who are moderate and those who are liberal. We have people think that certain behaviors are okay, and people who think those same behaviors are wrong. Those differences are completely normal, and even to be expected.

Though we have differences of opinions about many things, we are to be harmonious.

There are a few things that are non-negotiable, and the rest we can disagree in love. Have you heard the phrase: “In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; and in all things, charity.” I find it to be very helpful in providing a framework for how Christians in a church family can be harmonious. Let’s look at all three levels.

In Essentials, Unity

What are the essentials in which we are to practice unity?

Historically, the Apostles’ Creed. This is what Christians everywhere, from the very early days of the church, said out loud together to give voice to what is true Christian teaching:

I believe in God the Father Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth, And in Jesus Christ his only Son our Lord, Who was conceived by the Holy Ghost, Born of the Virgin Mary, Suffered under Pontius Pilate, Was crucified, dead, and buried. He descended into hell; The third day He rose again from the dead; He ascended into heaven, And sitteth on the right hand of God the Father Almighty; From thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead. I believe in the Holy Ghost; The Holy catholic Church, the Communion of Saints; The Forgiveness of sins; The Resurrection of the body, And the Life everlasting. Amen.

I think it is best to keep as small as possible the theological statements that we feel are absolutely essential to be followers of Jesus. The Creed is perhaps the best foundation.

In Non-Essentials, Liberty

What are some examples of the middle level, the non-essentials? One could be differences in churches’ modes of baptism. Or differences in how we practice communion. These and many other doctrines express differences that distinguish between denominations.

I think the EC Church does a great job of asking its members to commit to a few distinctives rather than a big group. The EC Church has 25 Articles of Faith and a really long statement on Christian Practice. But to be a member of an EC Church, you don’t have to agree with that. I find that very healthy. What do you need to agree to, to become a member of an EC Church? This is what we ask:

The Discipline of the Evangelical Congregational Church outlines the qualifications for membership: (1) Believe in Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord; (2) Believe that the Bible is the inspired Word of God; (3) Be committed to daily Christian growth; (4) Be committed to giving Jesus Christ your time, talent, and treasure; (5) Be supportive of our local church and the ministry of the Evangelical Congregational Church denomination; (6) Be faithful in attendance and participation; and (7) Be baptized as a Christian.

In All Things, Charity

Finally there is the third level, what we would call “in all things, charity” and this is where much disagreement takes place. Should Christians gamble, drink, smoke, swear, watch R-rated movies, wear bikinis, and on and on? When I preached this, I illustrated this part of the sermon with a picture of a gambling table at a casino. I said, “As soon as you see that picture, some of you are thinking, ‘I can’t believe you put that picture there! Gambling is a sin! Are you trying to encourage gambling, Joel?’ And others of you are thinking, ‘There is nothing wrong with having a little fun at a casino on vacation. Geez, the stock market is a worse gamble.’

There is so much we could talk about here. Peter says, be harmonious. Charity means “love.” In all things, charity, means that we absolutely need to love those, especially those in the church family, with whom we disagree. Check out this post (about bikinis!) for further thoughts on how Christians can disagree about ethical issues.

^[1] Louw, Johannes P., and Eugene Albert Nida. Greek-English lexicon of the New Testament: based on semantic domains 1996 : 351. Print.

Why I am not a fan of eulogies (but why they are surprising important for church families)

Photo by Rhodi Alers de Lopez on Unsplash

I am not a fan of eulogies. I’ve told you before that one of the aspects of being a pastor that I was definitely not prepared for was death. It affects me. Some pastors tell me they love funerals, and can’t stand weddings. I’m the exact opposite. I love weddings. Funerals, though? No. I’m just not a fan. Of course I officiate funerals, and I hope I do well. I believe they are a very important event for the family and friends of the deceased. Grieving is important. Thinking about matters of life after death is important. And almost always a funeral includes a eulogy. You know that speech that tells the history of the person who died, praising that person?

I have given numerous eulogies over the years, and many times I don’t like them. It’s not just the fact that we are talking about dead person, which can be depressing. It is that so often in eulogies we straight up tell lies. Most often the family wants you to tell a totally positive story about the deceased, even if everyone knows the deceased had numerous, even glaring faults.

This week as we continue our study through1^st Peter, I was shocked to learn something brand new about eulogies. We’ll be looking at 1 Peter 3:8-12 all week. Read it for yourself.

One phrase I want you to listen for is: if people insult you, eulogize them! What could Peter mean by that? Oh, you don’t see that phrase in there? I promise, it’s there! I’ll show you this week! What’s even more important than finding that phrase is what it means and how we can apply it to our relationships in the church family.

Peter says in Verse 8 “Finally” and by that he means “here is the end of the matter”, or “let me sum up what I am talking about.” For a few weeks now Peter has been talking about many different relationships that Christians experienced in his day. If you want, you can review the posts and you’ll see that Peter talked about the following:

How Christians should relate to governing authorities.
How Christian slaves should relate to their masters…even mean ones.
How husbands and wives should relate to one another.

Peter taught a common principle that Christians should apply to all these relationships: submission. That’s not a very popular idea in our era, but as we saw, Peter was teaching Christians to submit first and foremost to God and the mission of his Kingdom. If you want to learn the specifics of what Peter said about each of those other relationships, feel free to scan back through previous posts.

What we see today in verse 8 is that he is now bringing his thoughts to a close. This week Peter is going to talk about how people in a church family should treat one another. As I said above, he is going to say, “If someone insults you, eulogize ’em.” Next week, Peter changes the focus to how Christians should relate to people outside their church family.

So his “finally”, his concluding remarks will cover the next few weeks. As he goes on in verse 8, notice that he says, “all of you” and begins listing adjectives. He is saying “Church…Christians…every single one of you, let me describe what you should be. Then he lists five adjectives that should define Christian relationships in a church family. What adjectives do you think should define a church family? Tomorrow we’ll look at the first one. And I promise…the surprising thing I learned about eulogy is coming later this week!

The Christian teaching about marriage that was radical (and will certainly enhance your marriage)

Remember your wedding day? (Or maybe you are looking forward to it?) It is an amazing day, filled with crazy, happy, anxiety and joy as you publicly vow to love your spouse for life. The road before you seems clear and straight and free from any surprises or trouble.

But before you know it, five years, or 10 or 20 have gone by and all those feelings you felt on your wedding day seem like a distant impossible memory.

If you are experiencing difficulty in marriage, know that you are quite normal. Not that the difficulty is good. Most times struggle and pain can lead to very good things like growth, maturity, and spiritual depth. (Check out this excellent podcast episode on Youth Culture Matters to learn more about that.) In marriage, when a couple is struggling, it is important to work through the struggle. I am convinced that the earliest Christians were teaching some radical things about marriage in their day. This radical teaching just might be the key to help you solve struggles in your marriage.

All week we have been looking at 1 Peter 3:1-7 where Peter has been talking on the roles that husbands and wives have in marriage. Today we get to verse 7 where Peter says something radical to the husbands. What is this crazy, wild teaching? It starts when Peter says: “In the same way.” In the same way? Huh? How is that radical? Let me try to explain.

“Husbands,” he says, “in the same way…” Whatever he is about to say next, he is couching it alongside what he already said to the wives. He wants the husbands to understand that they need to see a sameness with what he has been teaching their wives. Just as we saw yesterday when we talked about the trajectory of this passage, Peter is once again laying a foundation for equality in marriage. There is to be a sameness between husbands and wives. That alone was unexpected, but he has more surprising things to say to the husbands.

He says, “be considerate with your wives and treat them with respect.”

Husbands treating their wives with consideration and respect is radical. This would have been totally counter-cultural for the Roman Empire in 65AD. In an earlier post this week we noted that it was common in both Jewish and Roman culture for men to see their wives as beneath them, even sometimes to the point of seeing their wives as possessions. Into that patriarchal mindset Peter says, instead, that husbands are to be consider and respectful. It is teaching that husbands need to hear for their spouses still today.

But as you read the passage, you might question what Peter says next. He says, “treat [your wives] with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life…”

I think there is a very valid question we could ask: “Well if Peter is being so radical, why does he call the wives ‘weaker partners’? ‘Weaker’ is so condescending and diminutive. That sounds like Christian teaching that is promoting chauvinism, not setting a trajectory for equality.” Very good question.

We might wince at the word “weaker” in 2018, but you need to understand that “weaker” was assumed by every single male in that audience. That was the prevailing idea. No one would have questioned that. But the words “partner” and “heirs” would have raised eyebrows. The men in the church would have had a really hard time with that, because Peter was clearly putting their wives on the same playing field as the husbands. This is equality language, and therefore Peter was laying the groundwork, a trajectory, that for Christians means marriage can and should be approached with equality.

And notice the final phrase. “So that nothing will hinder your prayers.” That’s powerful. Peter is saying, Husbands, if you don’t treat your wives right, your prayers could be hindered! Wow. You want God to hear your prayer, right? Treat your wives considerately, with respect, as partners and heirs. We in 2018 need to see how dramatically radical this would have been for men, even Christian men, to hear in 65 AD.

So now is the day to decide what kind of husband and what kind of wife you will be.

First and foremost, make the mission of God your priority. If you have an unbelieving spouse, win them without words, but with godly behavior. You might need to stop preaching and start praying. You might need to stop inviting them to church, and start serving them love right in your house.

Second, remember where true beauty is found. Not outwardly, but by placing your hope in God and allowing him to transform your spirit. No matter what you look like on the outside, you are beautiful or handsome or attractive when his fruit of the Spirit flows out of you. Love, Joy Peace Patience Gentleness Kindness and Self-control. These are vital for a healthy marriage. Get the Fruit of the Spirit. Pray for it. Work at it. See help, a mentor, a counselor. At all costs, get the Fruit of the Spirit.

Third, love and respect and practice kindness and consideration to your spouse. Wives to husbands and husbands to wives. Clearly for Peter the issue is not who gets to be the head honcho in the house. The issue is “make the mission of God your priority, and the best way to do that in marriage is to be a loving spouse.”

I started this week talking about Fred Flintstone’s caveman mentality that “a woman’s place is in the home.” You can read that post here. He seems like the classic male chauvinist. But maybe even Fred Flintstone had a change. Take a look:

So whether you are a husband or a wife, be loving, sacrificial, kind and considerate to your spouse!

Why trajectory is vital to understanding the marital submission passage in 1 Peter 3:1-7

Rocket launches have been all the rage recently, with private companies getting in the new space race. I have always been fascinated with space shuttles and astronauts, and thus love watching the blast-offs! A nighttime launch with is fire trail is especially amazing. See the trajectory?

All week long we have been studying a controversial passage of Scripture, 1 Peter 3:1-7. I’m convinced that the concept of trajectory is vital to understanding this passage. Not rocket trajectory, but a missional trajectory. What is missional trajectory? Keep reading and I’ll explain.

In this passage we have seen Peter teaching about marriage roles. Already this week, we have looked at verses 1-6. You might want to read those posts first to see where we are headed…our trajectory! Now as we continue in verse 6, Peter remarks that holy women of old were submissive to their husbands like Sarah, the matriarch of the Old Testament, who apparently even called her husband “master”.

Peter encourages these Christian women living in 65 AD in the Roman Empire to be submissive to their husbands like that. Notice what he says in verse 6. Those women will be like Sarah’s daughters if they do what is right and do not give way to fear. Those are two interesting phrases. Do what is right and do not give way to fear.

Why would he say, “do not give way to fear”? It means that they can trust in God, put their hope in God, and submit. They don’t need to be afraid to submit.

For those of us hearing this with 2018 American ears, it can be very difficult, to hear this passage like those in the Roman Empire in 65 AD would have heard it. Our cultural situation is vastly different. We live in a society where there is a strong movement toward equality. We are not there yet. We still live in a patriarchal culture. But in the last 100 years, our society has moved towards equality. There are loads of jobs where women are paid less than men for the same job, for example. We could go on and on about the many ways that our society is not equal.

But where we have made progress is in the area of marriage. Men, most often, do not look at their wives as property. As animals. Instead men generally look at their wives in a much more equal way. Of course there are still in our culture many different perspectives on the roles husbands and wives should have to maintain a healthy, godly marriage.

There is nothing wrong with having roles in a marriage relationship. In our culture, it used to be that the man worked full-time, fixed the car and house, and did yard work. The wife would stay home, cook and clean, and raise the kids. But nowadays our culture has changed. The man might want to cook, and they both might have jobs, and the wife might be the better mechanic. What Michelle and I say to couples in premarital counseling is that each spouse needs to figure out which roles work for them.

Why? Trajectory. What do I mean by “trajectory”? What I mean is that Jesus and the disciples were putting in motion a new way that had a trajectory. In their day, they had to work within the existing cultural assumptions, but set a trajectory for a new way.

You know the Lord’s Prayer? You know the line where Jesus prays to God asking God that “his will would be done and his Kingdom would come on earth as it is in heaven.” Jesus says that he wants his Kingdom to come on earth now, as it already is in heaven. How is it in now heaven? We read in many places in the New Testament that in God’s eyes men and women are totally equal, and Jesus once said that there is no marriage in heaven. Before God, then, there is no difference between men and women, as we are completely equal in God’s eyes. That equality, therefore, is the goal, the trajectory. This is the same theological argument that is used to stop slavery. In God’s eyes there is neither slave, nor free, and thus because we Christians are committed to ushering in the Kingdom of God now, we pursue a society in which slavery is eradicated. In the same way, in God’s eyes there is neither male nor female, and thus because we Christians are committed to ushering in the Kingdom of God now, we pursue a society in which marriage roles are equal. That is trajectory.

This trajectory has significant practical implications for a healthy marriage. Because husbands and wives are equal, how should we have a healthy marital relationship? In all relationships, and especially in the marriage relationship, we need to practice sacrificial leadership.

Did you ever notice how in most relationships one person thinks they are the sacrificial one? You know how it goes, right? One person thinks they are serving, helping, cleaning, doing so much, while the other person has been lazy, not helping, not communicating, etc.

And what is the other person thinking? At the same time they are thinking that they are the sacrificial one.

When we are talking about sacrificing for one another in marriage, it is crucial to remind spouses not to mistake being sacrificial for taking abuse. Peter is not saying to wives, if you are under a tyrannical husband, you need to continue being abused, as if that would somehow advance the cause of Jesus. No way. If you are being abused, get safe. Same thing, husbands, if you are being abused. Get safe.

Instead the teaching Peter gives, as we will see tomorrow, when he talks with husbands, is one that should eradicate abuse in Christian marriage. For today, we focus on trajectory, seeing the biblical teaching of submission as one that was vital for Christian marriage in the First Century Roman Empire, while at the same time setting a trajectory for mutual submission in the future.

How to be beautiful (and handsome)

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How do we know if someone is beautiful or handsome?

Societies and cultures around the world and through the ages have had different ideas about what is beautiful or handsome. And a society’s standard of beauty can change as time goes by. You can pretty much tell what our current American culture believes about beauty by looking at advertisements. For decades that standard of beauty has felt unachievable for many women, causing emotional shaming and guilt. A recent study suggests that our American standard is changing! That is a good thing.

As we have seen already this week in our posts here and here Peter in 1 Peter 3:1-7 is talking about roles in marriage. In verses 2-6, again talking to Christian wives, Peter brings up beauty standards. In so doing, I believe Peter reveals what true beauty is, no matter what culture or era you live in. So what is true beauty? Let’s see what Peter says.

He starts by saying in verse 2 that Christian wives will be much more likely to “win over” their non-Christian husbands if they live a particular way. By “win over”, he is talking about the process of helping their husbands choose to become followers of Jesus. How should wives live, then, so that they might win over their husbands? Should they preach at them every day? Condemn their husbands for following a different belief system? Withhold sex until the husbands relent and follow Jesus?

Of course not! Peter says their lives should be marked by Purity and Reverence. Be pure. Don’t cheat on them. Stay faithful to your spouse. Be reverent to God. Follow the life principles and actions of Jesus.

And that opens the door for Peter to talk about beauty. It would be very natural for wives to think, “If I want to win my husband over, I’ll need to make my body beautiful.” Peter responds to that in verse 3, and what he says is “Yes, you do need to beautiful! But beauty might be different than you think. It is not ultimately outer beauty that is important but inward beauty.”

Verse 3 is often misinterpreted as Peter banning braiding and jewelry and fancy clothes. That is not what he is saying. He is simply saying that your beauty ultimately doesn’t come from outward adornment.

Peter is here telling us that we Christians have a different standard for beauty.

In verse 4, he calls it unfading beauty. Outer beauty fades, if you abide by the current standard. Older actresses will tell you that. They were once queens of the movie screen, but as they age, they are no longer considered to be desirable because they cannot adhere to a standard of beauty that prizes youth. So what is this unfading beauty that Peter is talking about?

Peter says beauty can be unfading when that beauty flows from within. He calls it “a gentle, quiet spirit that is of great worth in God’s sight.”

In verses 5-6 he illustrates this inward beauty, this gentle quiet spirit, by saying that it is the way women of old put their hope in God and made themselves beautiful. This is a significant point. They put their hope in God rather than in outward adornment. What are your hoping in to make yourself beautiful? You can spend a lot of time and money on skin and hair treatments, exercising hours every day, purchasing new stylish clothing, all striving for a temporary cultural standard of beauty. Peter counters and says, “Place your hope in God.”

Chasing outward beauty is not all wrong. It is good to exercise, to eat healthy, and to dress with style. There is nothing wrong with that. Where the pursuit of outward beauty can go wrong is when we become addicted to it, when we hope and believe that if and only if we achieve a high level of outward beauty then we are actually beautiful. I personally don’t know where to draw the line. But I know this: way too much money can be spent the empty promise that outward beauty will bring you respect and attention from the opposite sex, or from people in general. If you pursue beauty like that you will likely achieve notice, but ultimately it fade, leaving you frustrated and empty inside.

Instead let us believe what Peter says, “Put your hope in God.” When you remember that you are loved in his eyes, you can know that you have everything you need, and you can pursue unfading inner beauty.

The difficulty over the years has been how we interpret what Peter means when he says that wives should express their inner beauty through a gentle quiet spirit. This has been understood that wives should never talk, and it has been used to repress women. But men and women are equal in God’s eyes! Why, then, does Peter say women should have a quiet spirit? Is he adding to the repression of women?

It seems that women in the brand new Christian church were embracing their freedom and equality in Christ, but they were taking it too far for that culture. Theirs was not a culture that viewed men and women as equals. Peter knows this. He knows that if women in a deeply patriarchal culture start upending the cultural norm of women being submissive to their husbands, they will ruin their ability to win their husbands for Christ. Peter knows that they will never be able to create a better, equal situation for women if the husbands are not on board. Instead, it will likely ruin the Christian movement.

In other words, he is asking the women to maintain the cultural norm for the time being so that they might win over as many of their husbands as possible. As we have seen already this week, the mission of the Kingdom of Heaven is Peter’s focus.

So both men and women in our society would do well to see where their true inner beauty comes from. Let us be followers of Jesus that are not deceived by the beauty standards of the world around us. May our beauty flow from within as we practice purity, reverence and place our hope in God.