Question-asking and kissing in the church – 1 Thessalonians 5:13–15, 26, Part 6

In our final post this week, Paul describes peace with each other in a church family like this in 1 Thessalonians verses 14-15, “encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.”

These last few sentences are striking in their otherness.  To do what Paul teaches in verses 14-15, it requires us to have an outward looking, selfless approach.  To encourage the disheartened, we first must be people who are looking beyond ourselves, looking for other people, and how they are doing.  We are thinking about them.  Caring about them. 

I think about this every Sunday during worship services.  Are there new people who are sitting alone?  Give up the familiarity of your seat, step out of your comfort zone, push through the feelings of awkwardness, go to them, introduce yourself, and start asking questions to get to know them. 

Apply the 60-40 rule of conversation.   Ask questions of the other person 60 percent of the time, meaning that you allow them to do the majority of the talking.  But 40 percent of the time, you talk.  My seminary prof Dave Dorsey taught me this.  We might think that selflessness would mandate that we ask questions 100% of the time, so that the focus is never on us.  But that would be a very lopsided conversation. Actually that would not be a conversation.  A person doing 100% of the talking is a monologue. Relationships are not built on monologues.  In fact, if we are only ever asking questions of the other person, then we are teaching them that it is okay for them to monologue.  That’s not okay in a conversation.  Conversation is give and take.  Talking and active listening through asking questions.

Pay attention to how much you are talking.  Initiate the questions.  If you read through the gospels, you will see Jesus is a master question-asker.  He is constantly asking people questions. 

When you come to worship services or church fellowship gatherings, look for the people who are sitting by themselves.  Instead of sitting at your normal table, go to them, talk with them.  Then follow up, and especially follow up outside of this building.  Don’t wait for the next worship service or event.  Reach out midweek.  This is the beginning of living at peach with each other.

Finally, scan down to verse 26, “Greet all God’s people with a holy kiss.”  What in the world is Paul talking about? Seems weird that he would tell Christians to kiss each other. And what would make it “holy” versus just being a regular kiss?

The kind of kissing that Paul encourages is simply a cultural practice that is still observed in many cultures today.  It’s the peck on the cheek, or on both cheeks, and maybe your lips never touch their cheek.  It’s an air kiss really.  But it symbolizes closeness and friendship and love in the church family.

It is sometimes called passing the peace.  And it doesn’t need to be a literal kiss or air kiss.  It could be a handshake.  A hug.  A fistbump.  A wave.  A greeting of any kind.  The greeting itself does not matter. Your culture can determine what is appropriate.  What is important is the heart behind it.  It is intended to be the signifier of real deep peace-loving relationship in the church family. 

In conclusion this week, what do you need to do about Paul’s teaching in 1 Thessalonians 5:13–15 and 26 about living at peace with each other in your church family?  If you have been disruptive in the past, do you need to apologize?  Is there a broken relationship you need to make right?  Maybe even with someone who no longer attends Faith Church?

Or do you need to make more of an effort to deepen your relationships within the church family?  Do you need to get involved in a group where you can pursue those deeper connections?  What is your next step?

Live at peace with each other.

Photo by Erika Giraud on Unsplash