Asking questions: a helpful model for confronting others – 1 Kings 1—2, Part 2

I hate confrontation. When I have to say something the least bit confrontational to a person, I get shaky and nervous and often say far less than I ought to. Do you know the feeling?

I suspect that the majority of people do not enjoy confrontation, even those who are confident enough to confront.

I have noticed in myself that my level of angst about confrontation is very much affected by how I perceive the power balance in the relationship between myself and the person I’m confronting. If I feel I am in the up position (meaning I believe I have some measure of authority over them), I am slightly more comfortable confronting them. If I feel I am in down position (meaning they have some measure of power over me), I am extremely hesitant about confronting them.

I also wrestle with the question “What will the ramifications of this encounter be for me? Will the person dislike me? Will they respond poorly to me? Will this affect my job?” As pastor, a factor I must always consider when I confront is the real possibility that the person will leave the church if I don’t confront them well. Additionally, if they choose to stay at the church, they and I will now be in a relationship that includes a confrontational moment, which can be very awkward and unpleasant every time we see each other.

As we continue the story of David, in this post we’ll observe some of David’s longtime family and friends confronting him about some family drama that could have serious consequences beyond the family. How will it go when they confront David? He’s very old. Literally dying. Will he care? Notice the method the confronters use with David.

In 1 Kings 1:5, with David on his deathbed, David’s eldest living son Adonijah steps forward to become the next king.  All sorts of people in the royal family and military personnel takes sides.  Some support Adonijah, some do not. 

Adonijah holds a sacrificial feast to gather support for his monarchy, and he invites numerous royal family members and officials.

He also snubs a few people. 

Here are the famous people he doesn’t invite:  the prophet Nathan who was David’s trusted advisor, the powerful soldier Benaiah (the Mighty Man who jumped into a pit with a lion on a snowy day…remember him in this post?), the special guard (which is a reference to the Mighty Men), and finally Solomon (Adonijah’s younger brother). 

The prophet Nathan informs Solomon’s mother Bathsheba that Adonijah is making a move to become king, and Nathan advises Bathsheba to go to David to intervene. Bathsheba does so. Bathsheba goes right to the room where Abishag is attending the king (see previous post for more on Abishag and why she is attending the aged king). 

The once vibrant king is now aged and dying.  The once young and beautiful Bathsheba enters the room.  This is the same Bathsheba, who many years prior David had lusted after and likely raped. The same Bathsheba who eventually became David’s wife after David had her husband killed. The same Bathsheba who bore David sons, including Solomon.  (Read the posts about that story, starting here.)

How must Bathsheba be feeling as she walks in that room? Decades have passed, and now a different beautiful young woman is there in the room with David.

Remember the power dynamics of this society.  David might be old and dying, but he has all the power here.  He also has a new beautiful young maiden attending him.  Bathsheba, in other words, has no power. If David perceives the slightest impropriety in Bathsheba, he can have her thrown out.  David is about to die.  He has nothing to lose.  Bathsheba has everything to lose: her position in the royal household, and the fate of her son, and likely herself. 

Worse yet, if Adonijah truly becomes king, suddenly Bathsheba and Solomon would be in the crosshairs for a purge.  When there is a transfer of leadership, the new team in power will often want to eliminate any contenders to power.  So for Bathsheba, this meeting with David is laden with emotion and consequence. Does Bathsheba have any sliver of political capital left?  Does David respect her?  How will this go down?

In verse 16, we read that David is receptive to Bathsheba.  It also appears that David is not aware of the information Bathsheba divulges to him about Adonijah trying to become king.  Bathsheba reminds David that David promised her that her son Solomon would be king.  How will David react?

Before David can respond, we read in verse 22 that another visitor arrives, “While she was still speaking with the king, Nathan the prophet arrived.”

I wonder if Nathan and Bathsheba coordinated this meeting so that the three of them were together, Nathan, Bathsheba and David?  This story is a total throwback to decades earlier to that other famous story I mentioned above that featured Nathan, Bathsheba and David.  After David sinned by lusting after Bathsheba and having her husband killed, Nathan confronted David about his sin. David confessed and genuinely repented.

I can see Nathan and Bathsheba orchestrating this moment because they wanted, even if subconsciously, to make an emotional link in David’s mind to that other time the three of them had been together. Perhaps that subconscious recall will emotionally urge David to keep his word to Bathsheba, precisely because all those years before he had mistreated her so egregiously.

In the years between David’s sin against Bathsheba and his deathbed, we don’t learn anything about the kind of life that Bathsheba and Solomon had in the royal household. We can make an educated guess, however, that life as a royal is usually pretty cushy. 

We know that Nathan remained a close advisor to David all his life.  David trusts Nathan.  Now in 1 Kings 1, when Nathan entered the room with David, we learn in verse 28, that Bathsheba had left the room.  Then (returning to verse 23) Nathan bows down and confirms everything Bathsheba has said. Nathan’s tactic is to ask questions, “Did my lord the king authorize Adonijah to become the next king? If so, why were none of your servants made aware?”

Nathan demonstrates wisdom by using the method of asking questions, questions that get to the heart of David’s authority.  David is still the king.  Though he is on his deathbed, David has the authority to name his successor. The only way that would change is if David’s passes before making a selection, or if his son Adonijah kills David and takes the throne by force.  But thus far, that is not what Adonijah is attempting.  Instead Adonijah is only attempting to become king by garnering support behind David’s back.  But now Bathsheba and Nathan have informed David of Adonijah’s ploy.

What will David do? In the next post, David makes a decision.

Photo by Resume Genius on Unsplash