How David’s dysfunctional family teaches us about love, boundaries, and deflating drama – 2 Samuel 9, 13, 14, 15, Part 5

In 2 Samuel chapter 15, David’s son Absalom is scheming again.  This time he has his sights on the biggest prize.  The throne.  In verses 1-6, Absalom starts acting and talking to people like a king would act and talk.  He rides a chariot with an entourage.  He pronounces rulings by the city gate.  He says things like, “Where is the king or the king’s representative?  Shouldn’t they be here?  If I were judge of the land, I would handle it for you.”  In these actions, Absalom slowly wormed his way into the hearts and minds of the people. 

Four years of this go by, and in verses 7-12, he asks his father, King David, for permission to go to Hebron to fulfill a vow of worship to the Lord.  David says, “Of course.”  Worship sounds wonderful, but Absalom had ulterior motives.  He sent secret messengers through all Israel to proclaim that he, Absalom, was king.  And it worked. 

In verses 13-23, David finds out that so many people started following Absalom, that David believes his only option is to flee the city of Jerusalem, along with his loyal followers, fearing for their lives.  A coup is underway.

In verses 24 through end of chapter 15, as David leaves the city, he tells some of his advisors to go back, including the Ark of the Covenant, to Jerusalem, as a ruse to make it look like those people are defecting to Absalom.  David instructs them to give Absalom bad advice and try to bring down the rebellion from the inside.

But don’t let David’s strategic moves at this point cause you to think he’s got this all under control, all cool and collected.  The situation is horrible.  His son is betraying him.  The people of Israel seem to be betraying David too.  Will there be war?  War within David’s own family? This is high drama, awful drama.  Look at verse 30, which describes the situation as David leaves the city,

“David continued up the Mount of Olives, weeping as he went; his head was covered and he was barefoot. All the people with him covered their heads too and were weeping as they went up.”

Remember that verse about the sword not departing from David’s house?  That prophecy has come true.  David’s family is a wreck.  It seems as though it was easier for David to deflate the drama outside his family than it was for him to do so inside his family.  When there is lust, rape, murder, lies, David is all too quiet.  He allows the drama.  He should have deflated it.  And now it seems like all is lost.

We pause the story there.  We’ll find out what happens next week.

For now, I want us all to think about family drama.  We all have it.  But we are called to be people who deflate the drama.  Focus on David’s sacrificial kindness to Mephibosheth in chapter 9.  Mephibosheth who was David’s natural enemy.  What does David do?  He deflates the drama by sacrificially giving Mephibosheth and his servants a massive gift of land which would have made Mephibosheth wealthy overnight.  He then invites Mephibosheth to have a permanent seat as his dinner table, which would have made Mephibosheth one of the most powerful men in the country, also overnight.  If we are to be people who deflate the drama in our families, in other words, we take intentional steps to address the drama, sacrificially, generously. 

If I’m making it sound easy, let me assure you that I know dealing with drama is often complicated.  There’s history.  There are emotions.  There is reputation.  There is honor and shame.  There is hurt and broken trust.  It’s one thing to be generous toward an outsider with whom you have no relationship.  That’s basically David and Mephibosheth.  It is a very different thing to deal with drama inside your family, especially when that drama is layered and complex and has been going on for years.  That’s David and Absalom. 

I suspect near all of us here have some kind of family drama.  Some of us have given up on it, believing it to be just the way it is.  There is no changing them, we say about the dramatic ones.  They’ve always been that way, and they always will be.  So we give up on trying anymore.  I will admit that there comes a time when the most loving thing to do is said, “Goodbye.”  Even to family.  Boundaries are often needed and good.  Especially when the other person is unwilling to change.  That is so hard, especially for Christians, because we have placed our hopes in God for whom all things are possible.  With God there is a true sense in which hope is never lost.

I once heard a Christian business leader talk about love in the workplace, and I believe what he said applies to family drama.  Workplace drama is similar to family drama.  Drama is just drama, no matter where you find it.  Drama is human.  So in this business leader’s workplace there was a staff member who often brought the drama.  It affected her performance.  It affected her co-worker’s performance.  It affected the company as a whole.  And when I say “affected” let there be no doubt that I mean it affected things negatively.

As a Christian leader, he wanted to invest in the staff member.  He tried and tried, but nothing he tried got through to the staff member.  The staff member continued to be dramatic, and the other employees were getting restless.  The leader believed that as a Christian, the most loving thing to do was keep giving the staff member chances.  Isn’t that grace?  To give more chances?  Is that how God treats us?  Certainly the business leader would be able to eventually get through to the employee eventually, and thus, shouldn’t he keep trying?

Years went by, and still he was unable to help the staff member decrease the drama.  Finally, he decided that love in the workplace needed to be applied to not only the difficult employee, but also the other staff members who were not problematic.  So he fired the underperforming employee, concluding that was the most loving option.  In firing the employee, he deflated the drama. Sometimes, boundaries, even in families, are the most loving way to deflate drama. 

Maybe your family drama isn’t at the level where it needs boundaries.  Try to deflate the drama.  Don’t gossip.  Don’t text, call or talk behind people’s backs.  Instead speak the truth in love, be a peacemaker, a reconciler, bring healing to that which is broken, demonstrating the fruit of the spirit.

Walk right up to the drama and call it out, “That’s drama.” Then say, “Let’s talk about how we deflate it.” 

Photo by Clem Onojeghuo on Unsplash