When drama erupts in David’s family – 2 Samuel 9, 13, 14, 15, Part 4

Tamar sees the lust in her half-brother Amnon’s eyes, and she feels his tight grip around her. She is scared and as we learned in the previous post, Tamar makes a desperate plea for marriage.  Does it work?

In 2 Samuel 13, verse 14, we read “But he refused to listen to her, and since he was stronger than she, he raped her.”

It’s horrific.  Just awful. 

As soon as it’s over, reality hits. 

Did you ever long for something for a long time, and you can’t have it, and thus your longing grows.  You want it so bad.  Could be a new job, a new car, a vacation, or a relationship.  Then you finally get it.  Maybe after years of working or waiting or praying.  Finally, you get what you want.  It’s is exciting and fulfilling

And surprise, surprise, the fulfillment doesn’t last.  You have built something up in your heart and mind, and frankly it becomes nearly impossible for that thing to meet the unrealistic expectation your have created.

In Amnon’s case, what he wanted so badly, his sister, required him to act selfishly, sinfully, and deeply hurtfully against his sister.  When he finally does it, something snaps inside Amnon.  Maybe it is guilt.  Maybe shame.  Maybe it is fear of punishment.  Look at verse 15.

“Then Amnon hated her with intense hatred. In fact, he hated her more than he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Get up and get out!”  “No!” she said to him. “Sending me away would be a greater wrong than what you have already done to me.” But he refused to listen to her. He called his personal servant and said, “Get this woman out of my sight and bolt the door after her.”  So his servant put her out and bolted the door after her. She was wearing an ornate robe, for this was the kind of garment the virgin daughters of the king wore.” 

Amnon is super selfish and dishonorable.  Not only does he rape his half-sister, he then kicks her out.  In the Mosaic Law when two people had intercourse, that was an act of marriage consummation.  It was not God’s best or preferred way for two people to get married.  God wanted people to have a marriage ceremony, as described in the OT Law.  But in order to protect the woman who was now not a virgin, God said that the act of intercourse declared the couple as married in his eyes.  Why? 

To care for the woman. Once she had lost her virginity, she would be in danger of never being married, and thus destitute for the rest of her life.  But Amnon ignores that.  He goes from lust to hatred, probably because of his shame and guilt and emotional immaturity.  Frankly, I’m surprised that Amnon, because he was firstborn and thus heir to the throne, did not murder Tamar, and make it appear like an accident.  He had to know that she was going to tell someone.

The amount of drama in this story is off the charts.   The drama is about to skyrocket.

In verse 19 the account continues, “Tamar put ashes on her head and tore the ornate robe she was wearing. She put her hands on her head and went away, weeping aloud as she went. Her brother Absalom said to her, “Has that Amnon, your brother, been with you?”

Absalom is her full brother.  Same mother; same dad, David.

Absalom continues, “Be quiet for now, my sister; he is your brother. Don’t take this thing to heart.” And Tamar lived in her brother Absalom’s house, a desolate woman. When King David heard all this, he was furious. And Absalom never said a word to Amnon, either good or bad; he hated Amnon because he had disgraced his sister Tamar.”

So David finds out, but there is no indication that David did anything. Think about the stark difference in these two stories we’ve studied so far this week.  In chapter 9, when it comes to Mephibosheth (post here), David takes amazing action to decrease the drama.  But in chapter 13, when it comes to his own child’s terrible sin, he does nothing.  David should be decreasing the drama here too.  He should be confronting the sin of Amnon.  

Let me summarize the rest of the chapter.  Absalom bides his time. Two years go by.  Is Absalom a drama decreaser or drama increaser?  Has two years given him enough time to cool down and forgive Amnon?  Not even close. 

Absalom cajoles David to send people to a feast, including Amnon.  David asks, “Why should Amnon go with you?”  It seems David is suspicious of Absalom’s intentions.  David agrees, but only if David’s other sons go along too.  Likely David thinks that Amnon will be safe in a crowd.  David is wrong. Right in the middle of the feast, Absalom instructs his men to kill Amnon, and they do it.  Think about the treason and sinfulness of that.  Of course, the other brothers flee.  It would be totally normal for them to think Absalom is starting a coup.  Meaning they think that Amnon wants to kill them all so he can take the throne from David. 

Messengers tell David the news before his sons return to the palace. But the messengers have bad info.  They say Absalom killed all David’s sons, and as you can imagine, David is wrecked.  But then Jonadab speaks up.  Remember him?  The guy who pumped up the drama in the first place?   This time though, Jonadab has good info.  He says, No, only Amnon is dead.  Not all the sons. 

Still, Amnon is dead.  The firstborn, the heir to the throne.  Also, the rapist.  But he is dead.  Parents, if you’ve ever had a child make a terrible decision, you still love that child.  You can imagine how David feels.  Yes, his son is a rapist, and that is awful, and now his son is dead at the hand of another son, also awful.  I wonder if David remembered the prophet Nathan’s words that the sword would never depart from David’s house.  Think about the level of drama David is faced with.

But there’s more.  Absalom, having just committed murder, flees to his grandfather in the neighboring land of Geshur.  When the rest of the sons return to David, there is great weeping and mourning.  David mourned for Absalom every day while Absalom was gone for three years.

In chapter 14, Joab, David’s general, essentially tricks David that enough time has passed, and David should let Absalom back to Jerusalem.  David acquiesces, but only if Absalom is not allowed an audience before David.  And that is what happens.  Absalom returns to Jerusalem, but is not allowed to see David.

In 2 Samuel chapter 14, verses 25 and following to the end of the chapter, though, we learn that Absalom is unsettled about his situation.  People in the land admired Absalom. He was a dashing character.  For two years in Jerusalem, David did not allow Absalom to see him.  So Absalom now manipulates Joab to get Joab to convince David to allow Absalom an audience.  The problem is that Absalom is a murderer, and thus David should not give him an audience.  Of course Absalom doesn’t appear to see it that way.  He is not repentant.  Absalom likely thinks of himself as correctly applying the death penalty to a rapist, something that David should have done.  But David didn’t punish Amnon. 

Still, Absalom successfully convinces Joab, and Joab convinces David, and finally after five years, David invites Absalom and reunites with him.  At the end of chapter 14, it seems like things have settled down. 

Things have not settled down, though.  Not even close. We learn about the explosion of drama in David’s family in tomorrow’s post.

Photo by Marc Szeglat on Unsplash