What not to do when you are sick with desire – 2 Samuel 9, 13, 14, 14, Part 3

This week on the blog, we’re learning how to resolve family drama by observing how King David responds to drama of his own. I’ve said that David, throughout the entirety of his life, seemed to be a drama magnet. But in the previous post, David makes a generously sacrificial gesture to decrease drama. Turn to 2 Samuel chapter 13, and get ready for the drama ramp up significantly. The story begins like this:

“In the course of time, Amnon firstborn son of David fell in love with Tamar, the beautiful sister of Absalom third born son of David.”

Wait.  A brother fell in love with his sister?  Yes.  Amnon and Tamar were half-siblings.  Same dad (David), different moms.  Are you thinking, “Maybe societal norms about marriage were different then. Maybe half-siblings fell in love and got married regularly.”?

Maybe in some cultures, but not in Israel. What Amnon envisions is condemned in the Mosaic Law. Leviticus 18:9-11: “Do not have sexual relations with your sister, either your father’s daughter or your mother’s daughter, whether she was born in the same home or elsewhere…Do not have sexual relations with the daughter of your father’s wife, born to your father; she is your sister.”

But Amnon, perhaps taking a page from his father’s playbook, does not let the Law get in the way of his lust.  Continuing in 2 Samuel 13, “Amnon became so obsessed with his sister Tamar that he made himself ill. She was a virgin, and it seemed impossible for him to do anything to her. Now Amnon had an adviser named Jonadab son of Shimeah, David’s brother. Jonadab was a very shrewd man.”

Amnon is sick with lust over his half-sister.  So he goes to Jonadab, his cousin, for advice.  This will turn out to be a bad move.  Jonadab is a schemer.  Not to be trusted for giving wise advice.  Let’s find out, as we keep reading:

“Jonadab asked Amnon, “Why do you, the king’s son, look so haggard morning after morning? Won’t you tell me?” Amnon said to him, “I’m in love with Tamar, my brother Absalom’s sister.” “Go to bed and pretend to be ill,” Jonadab said. “When your father comes to see you, say to him, ‘I would like my sister Tamar to come and give me something to eat. Let her prepare the food in my sight so I may watch her and then eat it from her hand.’”

Talk about pumping up the drama.  Jonadab is a master drama inflater.  Not someone Amnon should be going to for help.  Amnon needs someone to tell him, “Stop it!  You cannot have your half-sister.  You need to repent of your lust and make a change.  You are sinning.”  That would be deflating the drama.  That would be doing the right thing.  The God-honoring thing.  But instead Jonadab is all about the drama.  Will Amnon listen to Jonadab’s advice?

“So Amnon lay down and pretended to be ill. When the king came to see him, Amnon said to him, “I would like my sister Tamar to come and make some special bread in my sight, so I may eat from her hand.” David sent word to Tamar at the palace: “Go to the house of your brother Amnon and prepare some food for him.”

Does anyone else feel like this is a strange situation?  Jonadab and Amnon’s idea seems really sketchy.  So sketchy, in fact, that we wonder how David would ever go along with it.  Maybe David is just concerned that his son is sick, and thinks, “Yeah, let’s get his sister in here to cheer him up.”  Maybe David thinks it is innocent. 

It is the furthest thing from innocent.  Here’s what happens, “So Tamar went to the house of her brother Amnon, who was lying down. She took some dough, kneaded it, made the bread in his sight and baked it. Then she took the pan and served him the bread, but he refused to eat. “Send everyone out of here,” Amnon said. So everyone left him. Then Amnon said to Tamar, “Bring the food here into my bedroom so I may eat from your hand.” And Tamar took the bread she had prepared and brought it to her brother Amnon in his bedroom. But when she took it to him to eat, he grabbed her and said, “Come to bed with me, my sister.” “No, my brother!” she said to him. “Don’t force me! Such a thing should not be done in Israel! Don’t do this wicked thing. What about me? Where could I get rid of my disgrace? And what about you? You would be like one of the wicked fools in Israel. Please speak to the king; he will not keep me from being married to you.”

Whoa.  Marriage between half-siblings? In our eyes, we would think “No way.”  Both Amnon and Tamar should have been thinking “No way” also.  In Leviticus 20 verse 17, the Mosaic Law clearly states, “If a man marries his sister, the daughter of either his father or his mother, and they have sexual relations, it is a disgrace. They are to be publicly removed from their people. He has dishonored his sister and will be held responsible.”

Yet Tamar is desperate to try anything, even breaking the Mosaic Law, to keep her insanely lustful brother from forcing his way on her.  Perhaps Tamar knows that their father David would never approve of a marriage, and thus she would be free from her brother’s clutches.  Tamar is hoping for anything that will get her out of there.

We see in this story the precarious position of women in this society.  They served the men; were dominated by the men.  Tamar knows this.  She knows that she has very little leverage.  So she makes a desperate plea for marriage.  Does it work?

We find out in the next post.

Photo by Motoki Tonn on Unsplash