Pastor, that’s the dumbest thing you ever said – Speaking life to each other, Part 4

This week I welcome guest blogger, Kirk Marks. Kirk is a retired pastor, having served 30+ years in both local churches with his wife, Debbie, and in denominational administration. He has also taught theology and led a pastoral assessment center for many years. He and Debbie, along with their two daughters and son-in-law are members of Faith Church. Kirk preached at Faith Church this past week, continuing our series on Relationships in the Church. I think you’ll find his thoughts as compelling and helpful as I did.

About 20 years ago, I was pastor of a church, when a woman was being very disruptive in our congregation. She had a harsh way of speaking to people. She just let things fly, and it would cause all kinds of trouble. In one particular instance, she had really upset some of the sweetest elderly women in our church who were so Christ-like and so wonderful. If they were upset, it meant the situation was serious.

In a meeting with some key church leaders, I said, “What are we gonna do about this?” The board chairman responded, “I don’t know. She’s so difficult. We’ve sat down, we’ve talked with her, we’ve tried to deal with this, and she just keeps doing the same thing.”

Well, I had an idea, a different way to approach the disruptive woman. I felt my idea would really get her attention and show her the wrongness of her ways. I touted the idea to the leaders. The board chair was and is still a really good friend of mine. At the time, he was in his 50s, and I was in my 30s. He looked at me, took off his glasses, and said, “Pastor, that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard you say.”

Would you believe my friend was speaking life to me? In this post, as we continue learning what it means to speak life to one another, we’re going to look at number of biblical passages that describe speaking life, and I think you’ll see how my friend spoke life to me that day.

In the Gospels, Jesus is described over and over again as life. Consider these passages, all from the Gospel of John

John 1:4, “In him was life and that life was the light of all mankind.

John 14:6, “Jesus said, I am the way and the truth and the life.”

John 3:17, Jesus did not come “into the world to condemn the world but to save the world.”

John 10:10, Jesus said that “the thief comes to break in and steal,” but he has “come to give life and to give life more abundantly.”

Jesus is life and true life. Following him is living the flourishing and full life that he wants us to live. People who speak in negative ugly ways are caught in a way of life that isn’t life at all. They’re living death when they could be living a life in Jesus that is so different.

Our speaking, if it’s speaking life, therefore, will be Christ-like. Speaking to each other in the way that Jesus spoke, in ways that come from our following of Christ, is speaking life to one another.

Think about the way Jesus spoke. Throughout the Gospels, Jesus’ encounters a variety of people: the woman at the well, his disciples, Nicodemus, and numerous other friends and foes. Consider how graciously he spoke, how forgivingly he spoke, how kindly he spoke, even to people who hated him, to people who disagreed with him, and to people whom society rejected. Jesus still found ways to speak kindly and gently with compassion and care and life.

Another passage of scripture that talks about speaking life is 1st Thessalonians 5, verses 12-15. In verse 12, Paul writes, “Now we ask you brothers and sisters to acknowledge those who work hard among you and who care for you in the Lord and who admonish you.” Paul is talking about caring for our church leaders, our pastors, and those people whose job it is to help us in this business of following Jesus. He also notes in verse 13, “Hold them in high regard and love because of their work and live in peace with one another.”

Then in verse 14 Paul writes about how we talk to each other, “We urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive. Encourage the disheartened.” Speaking life includes warning and encouraging. Let’s first think about encouraging those around us, then a bit later below, I’ll talk about how warning people can also be speaking life.

I do not have the gift of encouragement, but I am trying to grow in that area. All people need lots of words of encouragement. Paul tells us to encourage the disheartened. Encourage one another. That’s speaking life to each other.

He also writes, “Help the weak.” Sometimes helping the weak is physical help. If a person can’t lift their air conditioners into their windows, for example, help them. I’m gonna need help with that at my house in a month or two. My daughters and son-in-law are gonna help me with that. But sometimes helping the weak is speaking kindly to one another, words of encouragement, of guidance, of help.

Paul also writes in verses 14-15, “Be patient with everyone make sure that no one pays back wrong for wrong.” Sounds like Paul has traveled into the future and overheard so much of our speaking in American society today, right? “So and so said such and such about me. You know what I have to say about him? He’s a ____ and he does and they do when they have and they are.” Oh my goodness, when we speak “paybacks,” we are not speaking life.

Paul concludes this section in verse 15 when he writes, “Always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.” We can do good in our words, in how we speak to each other.

Now let me go back to verse 14 when Paul says speaking life is to warn others. This does get a little tricky because sometimes our speaking life to each other might not sound nice. Sometimes speaking life involves warning people. Sometimes it involves accountability.

Earlier in this series on relationships in the church, we had a week on accountability. Sometimes accountability and confrontation are hard conversations in which the speaking of life can be tough.

I started this post with a story about my friend who confronted me. It was one of those speaking words of warning moments that was very powerful in my life.

My friend the board chair said, “We are not doing your idea for confronting the disruptive woman. Do you know what will happen to you if you behave the way you’re proposing?” He was warning me about what was going to happen. I have come to see that the reason he reacted so negatively was what I was proposing was very unChrist-like.

Sometimes you get an idea, and inside your head it seems like a really good idea, and it gets better the more you think about it. Then you share it with some people, and they say, “That’s the dumbest thing I ever heard,” and you realize they’re right.

We need that. That’s speaking life by warning each other. Sometimes it might not seem like the nicest way to talk to each other, but it’s what we need.

Speaking life is accountability and warning. Speaking life is encouraging, helping and kindness. We need to work on speaking life to one another because in our culture there’s so much negativity, criticism and ugliness being spoken around us. We can fall into it before we know it.

When we speak life to one another, we help each other follow Jesus.

Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash