When you get into a family argument on the way to church – 1 Thessalonians 5:19, Part 4

Think about how your mouth has gotten you in trouble in the past.   Might have been this week.  Might have been this morning.  The worst is when you get into a verbal argument with a family member as you are getting ready to come to a worship service.  You drive to church in silence.  Then you get out of the car, and come to worship and start greeting people with smiles and joy.  And yet inwardly you know that there were just a few minutes before an eruption of unwholesome talk spewing out of your mouth. 

Or maybe my family is the only one that has experienced that…

There are two kinds of talking and communication in Ephesians 4:29–32, that which tears down and that which builds up.  When we tear others down, as I mentioned in the previous post, we make God sad. That is not just a childish “Aw, you’re making God sad,” as if it is actually no big deal.  This is a big deal.  Grieving the Spirit and quenching the Spirit is a very big deal. 

All our speech, our communication with other people, friend or foe, is a big deal to God. How we talk to other people affects our relationship with God! 

Here’s what Paul teaches in Ephesians 4:29-32 about the connection between our speech affecting our relationship with God: 

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

We Christians are people who have self-control over what comes out of our mouths. 

While we talk about the mouth or the tongue, as if they are out of control, we know that there is something else controlling the mouth and the tongue.  The heart, the mind, the will.  The mouth and tongue only utter audibly to the exterior because what is on the interior flows out of the mouth. 

The real issue here is what’s on the inside.  The hidden parts of our lives.  But still very real parts of our lives.  What we think, what we believe, the self-talk that we have running through our minds is very real, and very influential in what eventually makes its way out of our mouths. 

So if we have a problem with negative, tearing-down kinds of communication, the kind that grieves the Holy Spirit, or quenches the Spirit’s fire, then the answer is not to cut out our tongue.  We can communicate quite well without a tongue.  We can grieve the Holy Spirit without saying a word.  Expressive facial moves and hand gestures say it all. Body language. Studies have shown that those varieties of body language are more truthful at telling what we really think than words. 

Want to know what a person really thinks? Observe their body language.  Facial expressions, tone of voice, hand gestures, posture, etc.  Body language is very revealing of our true thoughts. 

If what is on the inside is vital to the quality of our communication, how do we transform our inner being so that we do not quench the Spirit? I’ll talk about that in the next post.

Photo by Afif Ramdhasuma on Unsplash