What healthy friendship requires – 2 Samuel 16—20, Part 5

Would your friends say you are a good friend? What does it take to be a good friend?

In the first verses of 2 Samuel chapter 20, just as David’s loyal army has defeated his rebellious son Absalom’s army, though peace is established, soldiers from both armies get into a shouting match about who is most loyal to David. One man Sheba blows a trumpet, calling soldiers to follow him to continue the fight against David. Now peace is in jeopardy.

Before responding to Sheba’s betrayal, David returns to Jerusalem to set his reign back in order.  For his first action, David places his ten concubines under house arrest.  Remember how his rebellious son, Absalom, had slept with them on the roof of the palace (see post here)?  Because of that, David never again sleeps with them, and they are treated as widows, held in confinement for the rest of their lives.  At least their basic needs are cared for.  But they will never again be an active part of the royal household. 

Next David asks his new general Amasa (see previous post for why David replaced Joab as top general) to summon a fighting force from Judah within three days’ time to deal with the soldiers from the ten tribes of Israel who followed Sheba.  David wants to prevent yet another civil war.  But Amasa takes longer than three days.  Remember that Amasa was part of Absalom’s rebellion, so David seems to become suspicious. Maybe Amasa cannot be trusted. Maybe Amasa is still betraying David. 

So David sends another trusted general, Abishai, to deal with Sheba and the rebellious soldiers from the tribes of Israel.  We’ve heard about Abishai numerous times already in this week’s series of posts. Abishai was the general who wanted to cut the head off of Shimei when Shimei was throwing rocks and cursing David, as David fled the palace (post here). Abishai also asked permission to kill Shimei when Shimei was pleading for grace from David, as David returned to the palace (post here).

Twice now, in short succession, David has not chosen Joab.  Joab was David’s top general for a long, long time.  Imagine how Joab might have felt about all this.  I suspect things are tense among David’s military leaders.  

Abishai now leads the men who used to be under Joab’s command.  They leave the city and head to Gibeon, and guess who they meet on the road?

Amasa, David’s new top general. While it took longer than David requested, Amasa has gathered a fighting force from the men of Judah.  

And Joab is there too, no longer top general, but still a commander.  David’s top three military leaders and their soldiers meet up on the road to war.  Think about what might be running through Joab’s mind at this moment.  David has passed him over twice.  Joab is also a schemer, and once again he has ulterior motives. Perhaps he is angry at Amasa for being chosen as the new top general, replacing Joab. Or maybe Joab believes Amasa is secretly traitorous.  Whatever his motivation, Joab jumps into action. He pretends to greet Amasa with a kiss and stabs him in the belly, and Amasa dies.

The men of Judah who Amasa had rounded up decide to follow Joab and Abishai in pursuit of Sheba and the rebellious Israelites.  Sheba and his men hide in a city, and Joab and Abishai’s men lay siege to the city.  They build a siege ramp and start battering the wall.  Just then a wise woman from inside the city calls for Joab, wanting to know why his army is bashing what was a peaceful city.  When Joab says they have come to get Sheba and his rebels, the woman talks it over with the people of the city.  They return, having cut off Sheba’s head and throw it down to Joab!

With that, finally, the long family drama of David and Absalom is over.  Joab has cemented his place in charge of the military once again.  David is back on the throne.  Peace returns. 

What can we learn from this dramatic story?  Last week I wrote about family drama (posts starting here), and this week the drama in David’s life continued, but the drama centered on his friendships.  2 Samuel chapters 16 through 20 feature David’s friends, some demonstrating fierce loyalty, some betrayal. 

When David is struggling, he learns who his loyal friends are.  Hushai the advisor is willing to be a secret agent for David.  Ziba gives David provisions. Joab and Abishai stick with David. Barzillai proves his loyalty.

David also learns who his fair-weather friends are.  Mephibosheth doesn’t come out to help David as David fled the city, but perhaps Mephibosheth was betrayed by Ziba.  Shimei treats David poorly when David is on the run, and then Shimei asks for grace when David is headed back to the city.  Joab sticks with David the whole time, but he also goes against David’s wishes and kills Absalom and Amasa. 

Which group would your friends say you resemble?  Loyal friend?  Or fair-weather friend?  Try to do some self-eval: Are you willing to give sacrificially to your friends?  Do you stick your neck out for them when they are struggling?  Do you have their back?  Even if it costs you something?  Or do you only risk yourself when the stakes are low?

Genuine friendship is sacrificially generous.  As Paul writes in Philippians 2:1-5, “Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus.”

Is there someone in your life you need to be a better friend to?  Are you known for caring for your friends?  Do you look for ways to see situations from their perspective and then act accordingly?  Quality friendship takes effort; it takes intentional thought in the midst of our busy lives.  I encourage to read Philippians 2:1-5 again, and pray the God would speak to you about how you could be a better friend.

Photo by Anil Xavier on Unsplash