Let’s consider how the friendship of David and Jonathan might help us learn to be better friends. As we saw last week when we studied 1st Samuel 18 & 19, their relationship began with Jonathan in the power position. At that time, Jonathan is the crown prince, and David is a peasant. They are in different classes. To bring equality, Jonathan actively expresses selflessness to David. I said last week that when this relationship began, it appeared that Jonathan was the one who had everything to lose, because he had everything to begin with. Likewise, it appeared that David had nothing to lose, because he brings nothing to the relationship.
Thankfully, genuine relationships are not defined by class, wealth, or status. They are defined by the heart that people bring to the relationship. We are all humans made in God’s image, as we read in Genesis 1:26-27, so we all have equal value. If you are friends with the crown prince, if you are friends with a wealthy person, if you are friends with someone the world says is a no-name, if you are friends with a felon, you are friends. Period. You are friends with another human who is human like you.
David and Jonathan’s friendship is a wonderful model for us because these men clearly have class status that should keep them separate. But Jonathan, the upper class, does not allow that class distinction to supersede genuine friendship. Jonathan doesn’t even allow family to supersede his relationship with David. Instead, Jonathan makes a covenant with David, and it is that covenant that is primary.
In our culture, we don’t typically refer to our friendships as covenants. Marriages we do, but not friendships. That lack of the word “covenant” though, or the lack of a formal ceremony like a wedding ceremony, does not mean that we get to be a poor friend. We can still be friends based on the principles we see in a covenant.
Theirs is a covenant of loving friendship. This reminds me of what Jesus said to his disciples just hours before he was arrested, a kind of last words to them before he was taken from them. In John 13:34-35, Jesus taught, “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
We Christians are to be known for how much we love one another.
So how do we love one another? Let’s go right to the most famous love passage of all. 1st Corinthians 13. We typically hear this passage at weddings. It is not a wedding passage. It works for weddings, of course, but this passage is meant for friendship.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”
This reminds me about the difference between being nice and truly caring. They seem similar. But care goes further and deeper. Care, like love, looks for what might be going on beyond the surface. Care speaks the truth, in love. Here those phrases again from 1 Corinthians 13: Love protects, love hopes, love rejoices in the truth. Love goes deeper in caring for one another.
A friend recently told me about a two-day bike trip he took with his closest college friends. He hadn’t seen them in a year. Planning was tough because one guy has a super-busy job, and two of the guys have families with young kids. But they had a window in June where it could work. Then they looked at the weather, and it was going to be hot. Imaging biking 65 miles in our steamy east coast humidity when temps are in the 90s. They debated. Maybe they should wait for cooler weather. The next time that it might work would not be until late September. Even that date was iffy given family schedules. So despite the weather, they went for it, and they had a great time! Reflecting on how much he enjoyed being with his closest friends, my friends said, “I need to be a better friend. I need to reach out to them more.”
So are you a good friend? Do you reach out? Do you look for ways to make sacrificial actions to care for your friends? Be like Jonathan who was sacrificial, putting himself in a very uncomfortable position to love and care for his friend.
Photo by Valiant Made on Unsplash
Engaging Scripture 