When should you choose to break relationship with family? – 1st Samuel 20, Part 2

David and Jonathan’s relationship is at a crossroads. Jonathan is stuck in the middle between his father, King Saul, and his best friend, David. David adamantly believes Saul wants to kill him (David). Jonathan can’t imagine that his father would intend to kill David without consulting him (Jonathan) first. Jonathan could view David as being way off base. In other words, Jonathan has to choose who to give his allegiance to, and the choice is between the two most important men in his life. Here’s what happens in verse 4,

“Jonathan said to David, ‘Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do for you.’

For Jonathan, blood is not always thicker than water.  Jonathan chooses right.  Jonathan chooses David.  Jonathan helps us process allegiance here.  When it comes to allegiance, we choose the right, the good.  I get how tricky this can be.  When do we break relationship?  When do stop interacting with family?  David did so.  David has fled from Saul.  David’s action was self-protective, and that is helpful to us.  When there is abuse of any kind, we should get to a place of safety.  David does so. 

Jonathan, however, is not being abused, so he remains in relationship with Saul. Jonathan thinks he has won his father over, that the situation is resolved, that Saul is going to welcome David.  But David is saying, “No, you haven’t won your father over.  Saul is trying to kill me.  You’re wrong, Jonathan.”  That’s a difficult moment in a relationship, when you see things differently, believe things differently.  What do you do?    

It seems to me that David believes Jonathan truly has David’s best interest in mind, but David believes that Jonathan is wrong.  David wants to help Jonathan see the truth.  So David has a plan to reveal the truth of the situation. 

Look at what David proposes in verses 5-9,

“So David said, ‘Look, tomorrow is the New Moon feast, and I am supposed to dine with the king; but let me go and hide in the field until the evening of the day after tomorrow. If your father misses me at all, tell him, “David earnestly asked my permission to hurry to Bethlehem, his hometown, because an annual sacrifice is being made there for his whole clan.” If he says, “Very well,” then your servant is safe. But if he loses his temper, you can be sure that he is determined to harm me. As for you, show kindness to your servant, for you have brought him into a covenant with you before the Lord. If I am guilty, then kill me yourself! Why hand me over to your father?’ ‘Never!’ Jonathan said. ‘If I had the least inkling that my father was determined to harm you, wouldn’t I tell you?’”

Jonathan’s final comment of “Never! If I had the least inkling that my father was determined to harm you, wouldn’t I tell you?” confirms that Jonathan and David are viewing Saul’s intentions differently.  David believes, rightly, that Saul definitely wants to kill David.  Jonathan does not see it that way. 

So David proposes a test.  I think David is proposing this test simply so Saul will reveal his true intentions to Jonathan.  In other words, David wants to convince Jonathan to see a side of Saul that Jonathan doesn’t want to see.  The test of Saul’s reaction to David’s absence from the dinner will prove Saul’s heart. 

But if Jonathan isn’t seeing it David’s way, will Jonathan go through with the test?  To perform the test, Jonathan will have to lie to his father.  That’s risky.  Jonathan could easily say, “David, trust me, my father isn’t trying to kill you.  I don’t need to lie to my dad and test him.  You just need to trust me.”  Actually, Jonathan is kind of saying that when he says to David in verse 9, “David, if my father was trying to kill you, wouldn’t I tell you?”  That is another way of saying, “Don’t you trust me?” 

How will David respond?  How should David respond?  He is convinced that Jonathan is mistaken here, and his own, David’s, life is at risk.  And the truth is at risk.  Jonathan’s heart is at risk.  Jonathan is in danger of giving his allegiance to one who isn’t who he says he is.  How should a person who wants to be a good friend to Jonathan respond in this situation? How would you respond?

In the next post, we’ll find out.

Photo by Malachi Cowie on Unsplash