What to do when there is a power imbalance in your relationships – 1st Samuel 18 & 19, Part 2

Who is the most powerful or wealthy or famous person you know?

I know a state senator, and he’s often in the news.  We worked together for three years right after college, we were in a Bible study together, spent a lot of time together. But it’s been a while since we hung out or talked. 

What about you? Imagine you have a friend who is wealthy. They know they have way more money than you, and they know you know it too.  Because of that, they likely pay when you go out for meals.  You kinda feel like they should pay because they got the money. 

But over time, that power imbalance can develop into a weird dynamic between you.  Power dynamics studies refer to this as the “Up” position versus the “Down” position. It can feel like the person in the Down position (you) is dependent on the Up position person (your wealthy friend).  How can you have equality and genuine friendship when there is an imbalance of power in the relationship?  It can work, but it can be awkward and difficult. Often, a relationship with a power imbalance does not work.

Can it work for a crown prince to be best friends with a peasant shepherd?  In 1st Samuel chapter 18, that is Prince Jonathan and Shepherd boy David. Yet, we read in the previous post that they are becoming friends. Is this possible. Do you see the power differential between them?  One person is clearly in the Up position, and one is in the Down position.  Jonathan holds all the power in this relationship.  David has none.  While it might be thrilling to be in relationship with a powerful, wealthy or famous friend, it might also be difficult.

Look at what Jonathan does in verse 4 to make his relationship with David start off on the right foot.  He gives his robe, his tunic, sword, bow, and belt to David.  Jonathan who has all the power divests himself of the symbols of his power.  Of course David does not slide into the Up position just because he changes into Jonathan’s princely clothing.  Yet in this selfless act of friendship we see Jonathan’s heart and desire for equality with David.  In a relationship where there is a power imbalance, for that relationship to thrive, we are wise to do what Jonathan did, and take action to bring equality. 

Another aspect of Jonathan’s action is its prophetic symbolism.  Jonathan, without even knowing he’s doing it, is depicting the truth. David is already the anointed king to be.  David is the one who will be in the Up position in the future, by God’s decree.  That’s far off in the future, but we get the symbolism. 

All told, this is an interesting encounter between these two men, Jonathan and David, as they forge a unique best friendship in a very short time.  Through their friendship, we can learn about how to have healthy friendships. We’re going to study their friendship more next week.  For now, though, Jonathan’s sacrificial act of reaching out to David, of including David, of seeking to be on equal, level ground with David, is an example for us to evaluate our friendships. 

Are we seeking that kind of mutuality and equality and self-sacrifice in our friendships?  Think about your top 5 closest friendships.  Write down their names right now.  Evaluate how you are doing in being a friend to them.  Ask the Spirit to help you evaluate your heart and mind when it comes to those relationships.  Consider what steps of selflessness you might need to take, just like Jonathan did.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash