Pastoral Ministry is not only a job, it is a life – What I wish I would have known before becoming a pastor, Part 1

“What do you wish you would’ve known before becoming a pastor?”

We pastors talk about it all the time amongst ourselves.  We rarely if ever talk about it with the people we pastor. Yet that’s what I did this past Sunday at Faith Church. Why? Once per quarter I pause my sermon series and have a current events sermon or a Q & A sermon, and one of the people in my church family asked that question.

It felt risky. I was nervous. It felt risky to answer the question, “What do you wish you would’ve known before becoming a pastor?” with the people that I pastor because by far the most significant aspect of pastoral ministry is the people I pastor. 

In other words, in answering this question, much of how I was going to answer that question is what I think about my congregation.  What has it been like to be their pastor? I’ll be blogging about it in this and the next four posts.

Here goes!

First of all, my wife, Michelle, and I did not realize how being pastor is a life for the pastor’s whole family.  It’s not as if it is my thing alone, and Michelle and our kids are uninvolved.  It is a family venture.  Obviously, Michelle and I are the most significantly involved in hands on ways.  But I don’t think I realized how much being a pastor automatically affects the whole family.  In many ways that is a good thing.  It is sometimes a difficult thing. 

For example, Michelle and I talk about how saying “Yes” to church functions often means saying “No” to family functions.  We learned in our missionary year in Jamaica that you do not sacrifice family on the altar of ministry.  But scheduling ministry doesn’t always fit nicely into a schedule.  You sometimes have to sacrifice.  There are only 24 hours in the day, and many times “Yes” to church is a “No” to something else.  Pastoral ministry in a church our church’s size (110 people) is not a clock in, clock out job. We didn’t expect how difficult it could be sometimes to have a healthy work/life balance. Often it is imbalanced.

But it is not all bad. Pastoral ministry can also be very joyful for our family.  The church building has been a second home in some ways, and the church family a second family, for us for our kids.  Our Faith Church family has loved us and our kids.

When it comes to pastoral ministry, I also don’t think I realized how much it is US.  It is Joel and Michelle.  I don’t think we realized how much Michelle would give to the life of the church, to the people of the church.  This is not a complaint, but a reality.  Because pastoral ministry is a life, we live church, we talk about it, discussing it frequently.  Michelle is involved in nearly every way, yet my name is the only one on the paycheck.  

When I say that pastoral ministry is a life, as I said, a pastoral couple doesn’t clock out.  There have been moments when we clock out: vacations in state parks with no internet or cell service, and during sabbatical.  But for the vast majority of our 22 years, because we live in a connected world, we are on.  In the office, at meetings, and at home, phone calls, email, and texting and social media.  We didn’t realize how it would feel for us to be connected to 110 people.  We are always on yellow alert.  We are often unable to disengage, waiting for what is next, what needs to be done, what is going on in someone’s world.  This is not a complaint.  Just a description of a reality that I didn’t fully understand before becoming a pastor.

And that brings to me back the people.

On the one hand, unless I say “Pastoral ministry has been perfect, amazing, wonderful, joyful, and fulfilling,” because I will have to talk about the ways pastoral ministry is difficult, this week’s posts could come across as complaining or ungrateful or self-serving.  But on the other hand, if all I said was “It’s been amazing,” you would know right away that I am not telling the truth.  So I need to tell the truth, and that means I need to talk about the people I pastor.

Sometimes people are difficult, sometimes very difficult.  But you might respond, “Didn’t you already know that?”

Of course I knew that before becoming a pastor.  It’s Humanity 101.  We all know that people can be difficult.  Difficult people are a part of our families, our neighborhoods, our schools, our workplaces, and we sometimes have lifelong close friends who are difficult.  Difficult people are part of church families too. 

You know the people in your life you think are difficult.  Before you start naming names in your head, remember that someone can likely name you as difficult sometimes too.  My wife will tell you that I can be really difficult sometimes.  I will tell you that she can be difficult too.  My guess is that all spouses would be able to share ways their spouse is difficult.  All kids would be able to share how their parents are difficult.  All parents would be able to tell us how their kids are difficult. 

This is humanity.  

So how did I not know this about being a pastor of people?  I’ll answer that in the next post.

Photo by Heather Marie